Woman walks into a pole and gets pregnant.

“So a woman named Cynthia walks into a pole and gets pregnant. NO, IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. Oh frick, not again. Let me try one more time. OK, TAKE 2, ACTION. So a woman named Cynthia walks into a pole and gets pregnant. NO! I DID IT AGAIN. I am missing the punch line! *muttering to self under breath* come ON get it TOGETHER! *deep calming breath* So a woman named Cynthia… actually never mind.”

Ya know what… come to think of it, I think I know why the joke isn’t landing… Probably because it isn’t a joke at all. Thats right folks, this is a very true story. A woman named Cynthia did indeed walk into a pole. And by doing this, Cynthia did indeed find out she was pregnant. I should probably mention now that Cynthia is my mother, and this is the story of how Stevie Jackson was found to be expected into this world! My name is Stevie Jackson, and I have shit to say.

Set the scene: Cynthia has departed for an important business trip out of state. At home, she reluctantly left her two kids for the first time (her husband and her first born 6 month old child) . That was a joke. Ha ha. Well part of it… I’ll let you decide. MOVING ON. The building that she was meeting in had a plumbing issue (naturally), so they had to exit the premise for natural human needs. Whilst returning from said bathroom adventure, Cynthia and her bathroom buddy were in a riveting conversation. In fact, it was so riveting, that Cynthia forgot to use her eyes and BOOM! Walked full speed ahead into a very obvious pole in the middle of the sidewalk. OUCH. Cynthia claimed to be fine. “DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT say ANYTHING” she said. Gasping, her colleague informed Cynthia that her entire face was gushing blood, and she was then rushed to the hospital.

Cut to: Cynthia sitting in an emergency room awaiting an “un-needed protocol” pregnancy test that is required before being cleared for a CT scan. Suddenly, the doctor rushes in and exclaims “OH, YOU ARE POSITIVE!”. Confused, Cynthia replies “about what”? “Oh… um… YOU’RE PREGNANT!” And that’s how I was found to be coming into this world. They always said I knew how to make an entrance…

Needless to say, Cynthia missed her meeting.