“I’m a strong independent ketchup bottle who don’t need no mustard”

“Ahhh Halloween time. Don’t ya just love it? The air is crisp, and the bonfires are plentiful. It’s a time for candy, apple cider, donuts, regrets, chili, more candy, and those God forsaken couples costumes. (Let me repeat that for dramatic effect) those GOD FORSAKEN COUPLES COSTUMES *cough* that we all love *cough* woah… who said that?”

Ok folks, allow me to take you back in time. Let’s think back to what it was like being a kid around Halloween. The first thing that comes to mind for me actually isn’t trick or treating. The first thing that I think of, is getting those party city ads in the mail and being so darn excited! I mean, I would literally set aside time to sit down with my little color coded sharpies and circle the coolest costumes on every page. This way, I could make an efficient decision of what I was going to be that year. This was a very dedicated project that I took very seriously. Come on, we have all been there. I think we all know that Halloween was no joke back in grade school days, you had to COMMIT. So, that being said, while flipping through these ads, I remember always going straight to the couples costumes pages and ripping them out so that they wouldn’t interfere with my process (because what 8 year old has a significant other…actually, don’t answer that.) And, since I must be honest, I’ll now admit that I of course made sure to look through them before doing so. I mean, I had to start adequately preparing for the day I too would need to pick from them. Ya know, when I had a boyfriend in the future (lol still waiting.) But yeah, there were SO MANY. I mean, this section was LARGE. You have everything from your classic movie couples like Danny and Sandy in Grease to those damn plug and socket costumes that have been around for like the past 20 years (#why #gross). And then, there’s those costumes that you look at, and you’re just like what the actual FU…dge nugget (which is exactly what I wanted to say thanks for asking) was happening when this was pitched to a design team and they complied!? This leads me to my next point. I am actually writing to address a very important matter that no one seems to be talking about: The ketchup and the mustard suits. My name is Stevie Jackson, and I have shit to say.

That’s right, the ketchup and mustard couples costumes. Ya know, the ones that slightly resemble what I consider to be large red and yellow potato sacks simply labeled “ketchup” and “mustard?” Along with it, came a hat that looked oddly similar to a traffic cone, but in their respective colors, of course (cute).  These costumes cost maybe 2 dollars to make and are sold for about 30 (naturally). Now, the mystery here, is that you never actually see couples wearing these overly priced and poorly designed refrigerator condiment get ups. At least, I don’t. Come to think of it, I’ve only actually known of one person ever to purchase one of these costumes. I’m half ashamed and half proud to say that it was me. Yes, I was a bottle of ketchup in the seventh grade. It was probably the most awkward year of my life, looks wise. I had poorly box died hair, bright orange braces, pimples galore, and I was… lets just say…prepubescent. So, of course, I decided to take it upon myself to run around in an oversized ketchup costume because that would make it all better. I’m cringing, you’re cringing, we are ALL cringing. But wait, it gets better. The worst/ best part is, there was no mustard. I flew very solo in this adventure of mine. This draws the line. Who in God’s name let me out of the house dressed as ketchup without a companion mustard?! That is the saddest thing ever, right?! Come on mom and dad, you had one job! (If you’re reading this, which you better be, I’m joking)

The thing is though, at that time in my life, I had this strong desire to be this bottle of ketchup for one of the most important holidays in a younger kids eyes! I don’t know what this choice of costume stemmed from, or why for that matter. But I do know, that I am absolutely rooting for awkward little Stevie who chose this path and didn’t need anyone to be her mustard to go through with this very, very strange choice. How cool is that? Don’t you wish we could go back in time to THAT kind of confidence? The carefree attitude of being a kid and doing exactly what we want, when we wanted? (Well as much as we could get away with anyways…) Wait a second, I just asked a strange old woman on the sidewalk this question and she said WE CAN? OMG GAME CHANGER! Ok, maybe I didn’t actually ask a strange old woman on the sidewalk, but it made this story much more interesting so sue me. Anyways, yes! We can! Somewhere along the way of becoming the very cool and collected adults we all are (HA), we have lost the art of “loving our weird.” We question our every choice. We care too much about what people think. We forget that it’s OK to be different and it’s actually encouraged!

*insert GIF of strange virtual man screaming*


well that was weird… (Did that joke land? I don’t know. It made sense in my head)

Life is too short to not do exactly what you want! Maybe people will think you’re cool, and maybe (GOD FORBID) they won’t! You know what though? Who in the literal heck cares! Have fun, be yourself, and if you want to dress as a refrigerator condiment, freaking do it! You don’t need no mustard to be the beautiful ketchup that you are! You are a strong, independent ketchup bottle and you don’t need… Ok I’ll stop right there. While I’m… ahead? No, I think I’m already behind. Oh well. Sorry, I was just embracing my weird right there if you couldn’t tell.

ON THAT NOTE… have a wonderful Halloween everyone. Eat lots of candy, have lots of (hard) cider. And, most importantly, stay weird my spooky friends.

<3 Stevie